Don't touch my cookies!

I overheard a short conversation this week that I thought would be interesting to share. Not the details, not the names, but the reasoning and the mentality behind it.

The term used was actually “being the alpha“. Obviously, in the fire service, there are lots of personalities. But when it comes to “Type A” or alpha personalities many more choose to be an alpha type of personality, as opposed to a meek, milder personality. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be an alpha type personality. As in many situations, there needs to be a defined group leader and decision-maker. Imagine the usual conversation of “what’s for dinner?” Eventually, someone HAS to make a decision. We’ve all been there. Perhaps we were the one that made the final decision. Good for you!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I most definitely don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to be a leader. Lots of good can come from it. There is also a load of responsibility that will be taken with that as well. The issue I would like to confront today, with wanting to be a leader, is that many people don’t have the proper impetus. Some may just not know what to do about it.

What do I mean by that? Many people have different backgrounds. We know this. Some, com from a home of high achievers, always having the best education and perhaps guidance through family. Others, might come from a broken home, a home where love and endearment wasn’t a priority. Still others, came from a home where the communication, was that of yelling and constant insults. These are environments we’re born into and have very little or no control over. As I said, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the best and wanting to be a leader. But what is your why? What validation do you feel you need from THIS ?

The conversation perfectly captures the essence of the title, "this is mine, not yours." The well-known scenario where one person asserts they’re the alpha, "We're doing things my way, not yours," and warns others, "Don't touch my things, because you'll break it." This kind of dialogue often reflects a desire be in control, no matter how wrong they may be.

However, it's important to remember that effective leadership goes beyond asserting one's views and expertise. It's always about bringing people together to achieve a common goal. It doesn't mean we always have to agree or share the same opinions. As Mr. Carnegie eloquently points out in "How to Win Friends & Influence People," the quote about William Jay illustrates this beautifully: "Here lies the body of William Jay, Who died maintaining his right of way—He was right, dead right, as he sped along, But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong."

This quote serves as a friendly reminder that in leadership and life in general, it's not just about being right but about finding common ground and working together for the best outcomes. Listening, adapting, and being open to different viewpoints often lead to more effective and harmonious results. You can be dead right in your words, statements and facts. But if you can’t communicate with others, it’ll be just as if you had been wrong all along.

We’re ALL in different positions in our lives, currently. Moving forward, we will all be in different positions as well. If we’ve made similar remarks or mistakes there’s only one thing we can do: learn. Learn from the mistakes of others and learn from your own. Learn that being an “alpha” is so much more than being right. It’s so much more than forcing an opinion, a statement or a desire down someone else’s throat. Remember, we can all be opinionated, but only others can label you the alpha. There’s a reason the saying, “your ears need to be bigger than your mouth” is so important. When we learn to listen before we speak, we will have so much more insight and be that much more successful!

Outcome: you’ll become the alpha others deserve, not the one you think you need to be.

-Dave (part of the pack)